5 Hulk-Like Lessons of Mark RuffaloHe is a force to be reckon with.
In an interview with Rolling Stone this actor confessed that in his young Padawan days (his twenties) he was turned down 600x in auditions… left Hollywood twice… and struggled with unbearable anxiety. So far we tackled Captain America, Iron Man (in previous emails) – now let’s roll up our sleeves and jump into the ring with The Hulk, Oscar-nominated actor, Mark Ruffalo. Like the others, there’s mucho to learn from this guy. Let’s follow the green bread crumbs to see how he crawled through the rubble of life… smashed through setbacks… and emerged as the monster-sized force he is today. Without further ado: 5 Hulk-Like Life Lessons of Mark Ruffalo 1. Don’t Celebrate Too Early When he was 19, he scored his first acting gig in a Clearasil commercial. He felt he “made it” so he waved goodbye to his day job – stringing instruments at the guitar store. But after a couple months of splurging on fancy dinners… lending moolah to friends… and a new car stereo – he was broke again. So he scrambled back to little jobs as a busboy, waiter, gardener, house painter- even a bartender (making an infamous drink called “The Mark-arita”) 2. Stay Firmly Grounded And Centered All the rejection, setbacks and uncertainty was sending his anxiety out of control. His thoughts were always running – even while lying in bed. So Ruffalo started a daily practice of meditation - and found the voices in his head quieted down… he stayed grounded and was no longer swept up in his emotions… and his career started to feel different… and shift. 3. Obstacles Will Be Chucked Your Way – Never Quit Swinging After ten years of swinging again… and again… he finally struck a surge of momentum… scoring more roles… finding his soul-mate… and then expecting his first child. But then a new challenge knocked on his doorstep, this time it was a brain tumor. As he held his new-born boy, he wasn’t sure if he’d get to see him grow up. Luckily, it was benign. But the surgery to extract it paralyzed half his face. Doctors told him it’d probably be permanent. And for close to a year it looked that way. About a year later, while staring in the mirror, trying to move his paralyzed side, he saw his face slightly twitch and started yelling for his, “Baby! Baby I can move my face!” The two started crying because they knew then-and-there that his muscle function would return. 4. Redirect Adversity To Your Advantage In 2008, his brother Scott (beloved Hollywood hair-stylist) was murdered - devastating everyone (especially because the case was unsolved). After his brother’s death, Mark poured himself into the movie The Kids Aren’t Alright, thinking that this was his last film. In it, he played a character similar to his brother – a role that allowed Mark to honor him. Turned out, the movie crushed it. And sent Ruffalo his first Oscar-nomination. But it also made him make another ground-breaking realization… 5. Just Go For Broke His brother’s death unleashed something deeper, something he held back for almost all of his life, he states: I realized I was holding back a little bit. So I could always say I didn’t really give it everything to myself Now I’m like ‘Just go for broke man’. This is it. -Mark Ruffalo This is it. There’s no time to wait. Get started today. In the direction that makes most sense to you. Because today is all that we’re guaranteed. Kelan Ern Mind-Body Coach Related
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He was in a tail-spin.
His life burning to the ground... trapped in drug addiction… fired from the show Ally McBeal… and even sent to prison. No one dared to hire him. You’d never guess it today. But years ago, that was actor Robert Downey Jr. Yet – he turned his life around… rebuilt himself… and skyrocketed to become Iron Man. How? Here are four secrets that turbo-charged his comeback. Even if you don’t have dreams of being a dynamic actor (or actress)… even if you’re facing a different “enemy”… even if you don’t even like superhero movies… these four lessons (when implemented) can help you rise back up, rebuild yourself and resurrect yourself to a new level. Here ye go: Iron Man’s 4 Secrets to Rising From Rock-Bottom 1. Laser-Beam Focus On Taking The Next Step Just like Tony Stark slaving away in a cave to build the original Iron Man suit. Downey’s climb out of the darkness took seven years. He rebuilt his credibility, his commitment and his self-confidence one day at a time. One movie at a time. One job at a time. He says: I found my way out of the woods by a subtler and subtler trail of bread crumbs -Robert Downey Jr. Not Hulk-like leaps forward. Small relentless steps forward. (Remember progress is progress) 2. You Can Always Build Your Self-Discipline Muscles At first, Downey doubted his ability to leave a life of drugs. He knew it was wrecking everything. But kept going back. With the help of Wing Chun (Chinese martial art) he built up his concentration… laser-like focus… and inner calm. This finally busted the vice-grip that drugs had over him. 3. Knowing It’s Okay To Ask For Help When Downey had demonstrated his commitment to staying sober, producers still had ice cold feet. They swore he’d bail out. But Mel Gibson (who had his own demons) who worked with him on a previous film – jumped to the rescue. He believed in Downey so much that he put up collateral to reassure producers. This gave Downey his shot to star in The Singing Detective… showing audiences and Hollywood that he was heaven-bent on taking his life back. But if Downey was too proud to accept Gibson’s help, this never would have happened. 4. Total Belief That Your Skills Will Eclipse Your Past Mistakes At first, Marvel Comics didn’t want anything to do with him. Jon Favreau, director of Iron Man, fought tooth and nail to persuade the studio to hire him. He saw Downey’s electricity. He saw his dynamite acting skills overshadowed his dark past. Here was this force of nature, who I think was living with this frustration that he wasn’t able to really show what he was great at -Jon Favreau That greatness lies within each and every one of us. We are all forces of nature in our own way. Find what it is for you. And start building… rebuilding… and creating something (or becoming someone) that you’re proud of. Because the past does not have to equal the future. Kelan Ern P.S. Besides Wing Chun, there are other powerhouse techniques for quickly tapping more inner strength, inner peace, self-discipline and bringing gusto and confidence when you wake up each morning. One way is an ancient Asian technique that gives you the strength to rapidly rebound from stressful situations. Plus, studies find it develops the “happy region” (left frontal lobe) of the brain. Related Yes! It’s true.
Chris Evans, actor, widely-known as Captain America, recently opened up about his struggle with anxiety and “brain noise.” In his interview, he admitted to turning down the role of Captain America multiple times. Taking the role meant he was committing to six movies and a decade of his life. This lack of control and commitment freaked him out. But eventually he came around. (Thank goodness!) Evans also shared a Hulk-Sized lesson about “brain noise” and battling negative thoughts. He said: “The root of suffering is following that brain noise and listening to that brain noise and actually identifying with it as if it’s who you are.” He hit it on the head! Negative thoughts (or Brain Noise) can be awful…make us feel like garbage…make us feel unworthy… but they get exponentially worse when you believe it’s who you really are. I’ve sang this melody before but it bares repeatin’: You are NOT your thoughts. You are WAY more than your thoughts. Your thoughts may be things spouted out by your parents…previous significant other… coworkers… friends… (That’s one reason why who you surround yourself with is so important) Or your thoughts come from what you read… watch… listen to… (“You are what you eat” applies with information too) But when you realize your thoughts are NOT you. You can rise above them… and take back control of them. One more nugget Evans shared: “Maybe the thing you’re most scared of is exactly what you should do. Maybe this is actually what you should push yourself into” Cheers to that Captain America When I tell people where I’m from, I get a glazed donut look.
Because most people recognize Buffalo Grove as well as a monkey doing a math problem. Hands down it’s easier to just say Chicago. Also, when a non-Chicagoan hears Buffalo Grove, they usually ask, “Are there any buffalo?” Sadly, there are zilch. But, there is another massive animal lurking nearby. If you wander 15 minutos south, there is a forest preserve home to a herd of elk, in “Elk” Grove. Now talk about impressive animals! They can tower over 9ft tall and are one of the fastest land mammals… sprinting up to 45 mph… and can leap eight feet vertically. Plus, bull elk make a low-pitched roar (sounding eerily like Ringwraiths from Lord of The Rings) Any who, in this forest preserve, you can walk… roller blade… bike… even skip around a gravel trail while watching these 700 pound beasts. Besides marveling at these giants though, when you’re there, you totally forget you’re in the suburbs – and feel as if you’ve been dropped into the wilderness of Colorado. It’s truly an escape. But research is showing there is something else about natural environments like this – some that actually change your brain! Without further ado. Here are 5 Health-Boosting Effects Of Nature: 1) Eases Tension, Anxiety and Depression Researchers at Stanford University found walking for 90 minutes in nature “decreased activity in the brain associated with a key factor in depression”. Another 2015 study, found walking in nature decreased anxiety… reduced rumination (replaying events or situations over… and over)… and increased happiness and other positive emotions. A study in South Korea even found simply staring at photos of nature boosts emotional stability and positivity. 2) Boosts Sleep Quality Spending time in nature enhances sleep quality. The exposure to sunlight improves your melatonin – a hormone that regulates your sleep cycles. 3) Prevents Damaging Eyesight Hours behind a computer, telefono, or reading books strains the eyes. Researchers at Ohio State, the Australian National University, and Yat-sen University (China) found that lack of sunlight exposure is a major factor in myopia (nearsightedness) in children. When you stroll outside, your eyes can easily relax by focusing on objects in the distance. 4) Heightens Creativity German researchers found that surrounding yourself in nature surges your creativity levels. One 2012 study even showed that simply glancing at the color green for under 10s boosted creativity more than any other color. 5) Changes Your Brain According to a study at the Max Plank Institute for Human Development, people who lived close to forests had a healthier amygdala – this is the almond-shaped part of the brain responsible for anxiety and the stress response. Researchers predict, the healthier this part of the brain is, the more resilient you are, and the better you are at handling stress. So simply living closer to nature makes this part of the brain healthier (even when controlled for other factors) So if you’re a city dweller, spend more time in these places… even if it’s just a couple minutes each day. It doesn’t have to be fancy. It doesn’t have to have elk (shucks!). It just has to be nature. It’s easy to do But also easy not to do. Feeling out of control? Winning advice from a pilot for getting unstuck and regaining control.4/9/2018 One day, I was chitchatting with a pilot.
He told me that during flight training, he had to purposely go into something called an aircraft stall. (This is a where the nose of the plane drops, causing it to head straight to the ground… sometimes going into a spin… and in some cases ending in a fatal crash). Future pilots practice going into aircraft stalls so they know exactly what to do (if it were to happen) and how to get out of it. So I asked him, What usually causes an aircraft to stall? He replied, not enough speed. This hit me like a ton of bricks. This was a perfect metaphor for when people are struggling. I had seen this pattern a million times. So often people stop moving…. they start retreating… they stay-at-home…they avoid certain situations… they avoid asking for help… And it’s totally understandable - but they lose momentum and that’s when a stall happen. Then they stop making progress on their goals, their relationships strain, and sometimes their health plummets. And they feel like they are falling. How do you get out of a stall? You regain speed. You start moving again… doing activities that bring purpose to your life… start taking action again… even if it’s small habits… small tasks… That’s how you get out of a stall - and likewise how to get out of feeling like you’re spinning. Take that first step today, Kelan Ern P.S. If regaining speed is key to getting control of our life again, how can we stop the negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions that hold us back. Sometimes we feel like lumpy dirt…
It’ll happen. And if any expert, doctor, or speaker tries to convince you otherwise – run for the hills and KEEP RUNNING Because it’ll happen to us all, the question is how long do we stay there and how frequently does it happen. There is an insidious type of feeling bad though. It’s where you feel bad… about feeling bad. Sad about feeling sad Guilty about feeling guilty Anxious about feeling anxious It’s an emotional double-whammy. Because we aren’t just feeling bad but judging ourselves in the process. And now research has finally started catching on to the consequences. A study done by the University of California, published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology took 1,300 adults in the Denver and San Francisco area to look at the connection between psychological health and accepting emotions. Here’s what one of the researchers, Brett Ford, found: “People who accept these emotions without judging or trying to change them are able to cope with their stress more successfully.” I agree with Sir Ford. It’s important first and foremost to be honest about the emotion you are feeling. Not to tell yourself, I shouldn’t be feeling this way… This shouldn’t be a good deal… So accept the emotion you are feeling. It does NOT mean you have to stay there for long. It does NOT mean you are settling. It does NOT mean you are giving up. It just means you are recognizing the feeling for what it is. Then you can have power over it… then you can try to change it. P. S. Here’s something to feast on: I mentioned the emotional pattern of feeling bad-about-feeling-bad. But what if you were to use this same pattern on positive emotions? Feeling excited about feeling excited Feeling happy about feeling happy Can you do that? Absolutely. Easy? Not at first. But like any habit it’s possible to build it up. A little under a year ago, I’m driving home in the dark when thick fog sweeps the area.
In fact, visibility drops to about 20 feet. I’m putzing along at a measly 35 mph… because there is no way to tell when the road will turn. The signs warning you of this… are impossible to see. The only way to know where I was – was when I passed an exit. A drive has never commanded my full-attention like this. If a panicked deer, stalled car, strolling raccoon or anything else stopped in the road, there would be no way to avoid it… As I’m navigating this treacherous drive, I remembered a story from years ago: In the book Many Miles to Go, author Brian Tracy, shares his story of traveling to Africa with his friends. Their goal was to work their way south through the entire continent. It was the ULTIMATE journey of adversity. They worked on a ship for 6-weeks just to make it over the Atlantic… biked day-after-day across Europe… lived in a tent each night… survived off of little food… they even ran out of money at one point… After slaving away for months, they finally reach the Sahara Desert - one of the most dangerous and unforgiving destinations in the world. When hearing about their plans to cross the desert, the locals tell them “Vous allez mourir dans le desert” Translation: You will die in the desert Despite their warnings, they cross the scorching wonderland. But how? Their route had black 55-gallon oil drums every five km. They’d simply drive to the oil drum. And then the next one would appear on the horizon. So they’d drive to the next oil drum… And the next… And the next… Until they crossed it. Brian stated, All you have to do to cross the biggest desert in the world is to take it ‘one oil barrel at a time One oil drum at a time… That’s exactly what I did that night. (Or in my case one dashed line at a time) Sometimes that’s exactly what we have to do in life too. We can’t see too far out. The future may be unknown and there are things out of our control but what can we do? Just take things one oil drum, one day at a time. It’s a whale of a debate.
Is anxiety meant to be fought? Or is it meant to be accepted? If you would have asked me years ago, I would have hoot and hollered that it should be fought until it’s knocked out cold. This Fighter Mindset was something my strength coach in college instilled in me: You have to fight for everything in your life. Fight for your workouts. Fight for your relationships. Fight for your success. Fight for everything. This resonated with me. This made me realize that those things were not simply going to fall into place. Don’t leave it up to chance. If you want great health, you must fight for it. If you want a great relationship, you must fight for it. And it seemed like fighting anxiety and fear was no different. And while this Fighter Mindset has its place, the more I learned about anxiety, the more I realized maybe fighting ourselves isn’t always the best route. In her book The Fear Cure, Dr. Lissa Rankin states, “It’s not so much about curing fear; it’s more about letting fear cure you.” What if we ran with this idea? What if fear was showing us what needs to be healed in our life? What if fear was showing us where our next area of growth is? What if fear was showing us where our currently limitations are? What if fear was showing us the edge of our current abilities? Here’s an example: Let’s say you have a fear of public speaking. Most of the population is scared stiff of this. This was something that plagued me for most of my life. I was fortunate though. By using this fear, it showed me how to help more people. By using this fear, it showed me how to express myself in a totally different way. By using this fear, it showed me how to grow as a person. How can YOUR fear help you? What if fear was simply handing us a sealed envelope? And we had to rip it open to discover the hidden message inside. And what if we accepted this message instead of fighting it? Instead of running from it. Or distracting from it. Maybe it’s telling us we need to heal some past hurts. Or find a better way to do something. Or change our beliefs about how the world should be. And accepting does NOT mean giving up. It does NOT mean saying “This is just who I am” either. That’s nonsense. You are much more than your anxiety. It simply means accepting that currently [key word] fear/anxiety is present in certain situations. It doesn’t always have to be there. But right now it is. And maybe… just maybe… by accepting it… and embracing it… it’ll open you up to understanding it more and ultimately how to end it. But it’s worth trying and seeing how it works for you. You may be pleasantly surprised. Have you seen the martian?
Yes, the movie. Not a real martian… (Shucks!) Author of the book, Andy Weir was interviewed by CBS recently. He pulled back the curtain on his struggles with anxiety and fear: “I’m afraid of flying. So, yeah I’m here in New York and I live in California. I have to take meds and stuff just to fly out here. I have a general problem with anxiety and have for most of my life and I spend most of my life just thinking ‘Well, I’m broken and there’s nothing I can do about that’.” I’m torn. On one hand, it breaks my heart to hear this. I know the pain he’s describing. The debilitating fear that impinges on your freedom... that controls life… that holds back the real you. On the other hand, I’m also inspired by him. Because he did NOT let his fear stop him from his mission. That’s not the case for everybody. So many give up on their dreams… jobs… careers… even relationships… because of anxiety and fear. I don’t’ blame them. I truly believe we all do the best with the resources we have. That’s why I feel so strongly about helping people with these same struggles. Because I know anxiety is NOT who someone is. People are MUCH more. And it’s one of my greatest joys to show people this. More importantly, for them to see it for themselves… Let me tell you a story:
Years ago, a special task force (called “smoke jumpers”) parachuted down onto a summit in Mann Gulch, Montana. Their mission: to extinguish forest fires. This 15-person team was led by Robert Dodge. On this sizzling and gusty day, they started hiking their way down the mountainside – and straight towards the fire. Just an ordinary fire, they thought. As they descended, the worst thing that could happen - happened. A blast of wind swept the area, creating a “Blow Up” – where the wind oxygenates the fire… causing explosive growth. (To give you an idea: it covered 3,000 acres in just ten minutes.) This ordinary fire burst into a gargantuan one with flames 200 feet high. Then like a rogue wave, it hurls up the hill… straight towards the team. Robert tells his men to drop everything and RUN! Without hesitation, they sprint back up the mountainside. But because of the incline they can only run around 5mph, while the wave of fire is coming up at over 25 miles per hour… Realizing they can’t outrun it, Robert tells his men to stop. One of the men keeps running and says, “To hell with that, I’m getting out of here!” The rest of the team also continues sprinting up the hill. And sure enough, shortly after, the fire catches up to them and kills each and every one of them… Except three. Two who escape through a canyon wall and… Robert Dodge… But how? Robert knew he couldn’t outrun the fire. So he did the unexpected… He struck a match and started the grass around him on fire - then laid in the middle of his own fire. When the fire reached him, the area was already burned so it jumped over him and continued up the mountain. Despite the odds - he survived. What can we learn from this? Sometimes we have to do exactly what Robert did… Sometimes we can’t run from our fears. Sometimes we have to face our fears head on! Sometimes we have to go into the unknown! Sometimes we have to do the opposite of what the people around us are doing! Because sometimes… that’s exactly what it takes. |
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April 2019
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