Broadway Secret to Get Back On Your Feet After DefeatI don’t know if you’ve seen Wicked on Broadway before.
There’s a famous scene where Elphaba (played by Shoshana Bean) is hoisted up and “flies”. Behind the scenes, this is done by a cherry picker lifting her up. Apparently during one Broadway performance, Shoshana stood on the cherry picker, started singing, and realized the machine was broken. So she just kept singing and walked off it. However, the rest of the cast was in trouble. They were supposed to run on stage and point up in the air while she was “flying”. Instead, they all laid on the ground and pointed at her from there, singing, “Look at her!” Talk about improv. Apparently this type of improv is not uncommon. A friend in theater once told me they've experienced the same thing. They explained how much sweat, blood, and tears went into one single play. The hours and HOURS of learning the material…memorizing their lines… and getting ready for the show. Yet - despite all this preparation, something inevitably happens the day of the show. More often than not, someone will forget their lines or make a mistake on stage. So not just a mistake but a VERY PUBLIC mistake. (In some cases in-front of hundreds of people) What do they do about it? When it happens, the cast members simply adjust to the mistake. They flow with it. They roll with it. They play along with it. They even make up lines if they have to. I had no idea! Looking back on all the plays I’d seen, I wondered how many had to be adjusted because of mistakes. Crazy thing is, I didn’t notice and neither did the people I was with… The truth is… most people don’t. I heard something similar from a former Chicago Cubs employee. He told me how one day, they were preparing for the first pitch of the game, when the guy who was supposed to bring out the ball, waltzed out there WITHOUT it… (Mind you, that’s in-front of thousands of people and on LIVE television.) Once he realized it, he just kept waving to the crowd, casually walks back to the dugout, grabs the ball, and goes back out there. Besides management, hardly anyone noticed it… Now think about both of those situations. Hundreds if not thousands of people are watching when these mistakes happen… Yet hardly anyone notices the mistake. If a VERY public mistake like that is hardly detected - what are the chances that the little ones in our daily lives are? Very often though, people beat themselves up about little mistakes they make – and think that EVERYONE is going to notice what happened. Chances are no one saw it… And as long as you “mend the fence” or “course correct” you have nothing to worry about. So instead of pummeling yourself (Which most people are VERY good at!) Maybe we should take lessons from theater (and the Cubs) when mistakes happen… Roll with it Play along with it Have fun with it Because the show goes on.
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Oh boy.
So there’s a new anxiety called FOMO. Fear of missing out. This new anxiety is even etched into the Oxford dictionary. If you’re surfing social media and see friends, family, or coworkers doing fun things without you like painting a fence… playing bingo… or eating pie… (Okay, maybe more zestful than that) But when you see them have fun without you… FOMO may strike like a rattlesnake. So what do you do? The easiest slice of advice: Go on a social media diet. There’s a buffet of reasons to consider this. For one, social media distorts the appearance of people’s lives almost like fun house mirror does. People posting “successful” pictures can give the “appearance” that their life is perfect. This can give you an expectation that yours should be too. When in reality the stuff people post, is only the tip of the iceberg. Below the surface can be pretty dark… and cold… Also, almost everyone I’ve known who have done this “diet” reported huge relief. They feel more mentally free, able to think clearer, and don’t feel glued to their phone like before. Heck, some even found they can connect with those around them better (what a concept!). You see, when your phone jingles or vibrates and you hop online your brain squirts dopamine into your system. It’s released whenever we encounter anything new or novelty. And it gives you a jolt of good-feeling. But this type is short-lasting and isn’t very fulfilling. Kinda like empty calories. So take the social media diet. Even if it’s only for a month Even if it’s only for a week Even if it’s only for a day Give it a whirl. And see how much better you feel. Yeeesh!
Dan Harris is co-anchor of Nightline, reporter for the show 20/20, World News with David Muir, and author of 10% Happier. And on June 7th, 2004 he had a panic attack on Good Morning America for over 5 million people to watch at home. Any public panic attack is put to shame with that behemoth of an audience. In his book, 10% Happier, he recounts an interesting story: He’s in the final hours of a meditation retreat. And the speaker tells the audience not to spend much thought about what they have to do when the event is over. They are simply thoughts and it’s a waste of time to worry about those things. Dan fires back, “How can you advise us not to worry about the things we have to do when we reenter the world? If I miss my plane, that’s a genuine problem. There are not just irrelevant thoughts” The speaker replies, “Fair enough. But when you find yourself running through your trip to the airport for the seventeeth time, perhaps ask yourself the following question: ‘Is this useful’?” Checkmate. Worry can be useful… up to a point. This is pretty creative.
Oscar-Winning actress, Emma Stone, opened up to Rolling Stone about her childhood anxiety. She used to believe her house was burning to the ground. She'd feel her chest get heavy... struggling to breathe... almost like the world was ending... Her anxiety was on -and-off like that for years! Until one day she tried something new and different. She wrote a book called I Am Bigger Than My Anxiety. In it, she sketched a little green monster propped up on her shoulder. This little monster whispers lies in her ear. The more she listens to it, the bigger the monster gets. If it gets too big, it smashes her. Or she can ignore it. She can keep working on what she's doing. The more she ignores the lies, the more it shrinks... until POOF - it vanishes completely! Touche Emma Stone. I've come across different shades of this powerful strategy over the years... It's taking a feeling like anxiety and transforming it into something metaphorical. You see emotions can be very amorphous. It's tricky to grasp them. Let alone how to take control of them. So when you designate an image or metaphor to them, you're able to work with them a bit more. It makes them more concrete. The trick though is finding an image that empowers you. Years ago, someone told me, their anxiety felt like a wrecking ball that was smashing and destroying their life. Yeesh! I can't blame them. But this was not a very empowering metaphor. And it was making them feel like they didn't have control over their current challenges. So you want to be careful with the metaphors you use. You want to grab ahold of metaphors that support you. It doesn't mean you ignore the feeling. Or pretend it's not there. It simply means using the feeling in a different way like Emma Stone discovered. Whether that's a little green monster perched on your shoulder... turning off the radio of mental chatter... Or watching your thoughts fly by like cars on the high-way... And there are endless ways to do so. One of my favorites comes from the Buddhist tradition: Imagine your mind is a waterfall. The water constantly crashing over the edge is your thoughts and emotions. Instead of being the cold current of water, you want to become the calm space behind the waterfall (they would call that mindfulness). Simply observe the constant torrent of thoughts flowing. Watching your thoughts from that distance. But keep that separation. That's just one simple way. There are boatloads of them out there. You may stumble across others or create even better ones than these. So let your creativity swim wild with this one. Experiment with it. Make it your own. And find the one that works for you. This is strange…
A study done at Emory University and published in Nature Neuroscience exposed mice to the smell of cherry blossom. Then they zapped them with electrical shocks. These mice naturally grew an aversion to the scent (nothing “shocking” here). But here’s where the plot thickens like chocolate pudding. When the children AND grandchildren of these mice were exposed to the cherry blossom scent, they had the same stress response… even though they had never been exposed to it! Plus, these offspring had more neurons that detected this scent than mice who had parents who were not exposed to the scent (or shocks). Meaning: our irrational fears… phobias… and anxieties may have roots from our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, etc. - as a way to pass down certain survival instincts. Does this mean we are victims of our genetics? Bruce Lipton, author of The Biology of Belief explains that you’re not controlled by your genes. Just because your genes predispose you to certain fears, how these genes express themselves is determined by… Epigenetic (“above the genes”) influences. Including: Thoughts Beliefs Emotions Physical Environment Social Circle So even if your bloodline has passed these stubborn fears down to you. You still can do something about them using the list above. And techniques that work for collapsing fear will still work despite where it came from. You’ve probably heard already about…
The super blue blood moon. It’s a combination of three things:
Do you think all the weird things that happen on a full-moon will be amplified? Such as:
Either way… Here’s a hefty lesson to pull out today: Life has these big events. Big celebrations. Big Milestones. On these days, people are conditioned to allow themselves to celebrate or “be happy”. But when it comes to the small steps… the mini-milestones… the little joys… Most people “poo-poo” on those. They don’t think they are significant enough to celebrate. They don’t allow themselves to extract the happiness from those. Instead, they wait for the BIG achievements. And thus, they miss the magic from the little moments. Use this rare day as a reminder to find the magic in everyday moments… everyday progress… even if you’re not at your goal yet. Remember to celebrate and cheer yourself on with each step forward. And you’ll find the more you do this, the more you’ll find them. Have you seen IT?
(The remake or the original) If so, you know in one fell-swoop this movie ruined clowns for generations. People are terrified of clowns and Stephen King (the author of the book) is partially to blame for that. If you haven’t seen the movie… --Minor spoiler alert-- Here’s the gist of it: In a small town in Maine, there’s a menace lurking in the sewers. A monster disguised as a creepy clown (called IT) who hunts down little kids. However, IT also turns into your worst fear. Whether that’s clowns… werewolves… dogs… lepers… mummies… (I don’t know anyone who was afraid of those though) In the story, the main characters discover IT’s main power is fear. When kids fear him, he has immense leverage over them. But if the kids aren’t afraid, he loses a ton of his power – plus they can physically fight back. This is such a great metaphor for real-life. Let me explain: When we are afraid of something (whether it’s logical or not) how often do we make it bigger than it is? Or way worse than it really is? Our mind is so creative, that we can conjure up absolutely terrifying scenarios. And often, when we finally confront that fear, it’s like, “Wow this wasn’t bad at all” Like an overinflated balloon, our mind blew it up way bigger than what it really was. You see, fear only has power over us when we run from it, when we don’t face it. But once we face it, like disconnected battery it no longer has power. So how do we face fear? The simplest way is to… Just do it. Problem is, biologically our brain goes hay-hire during stress and anxiety. And it can be a herculean task to overpower that built-in response. Instead, there are psychological-tactics that can override this natural biological response. The dust has finally settled.
And the holiday stampede is trailing off in the distance. It can bring love, joy, gratitude and deep connection with family… but also shockwaves of stress and anxiety along with it. Here are two common patterns of anxiety and stress that run rampant for the Holidays. (But if you read carefully, you’ll notice these two ring-true all year long)
Plus, unlike other times of the year, it’s harder to escape these commitments.
There’s staggering pressure for making it the best experience, purchasing the best gifts, preparing the best meals – all the while holding it together for loved ones. And while this love for others is admirable it leaves a trail of exhaustion, overwhelm and stress in its wake. So what’s the holiday goer to do? Just about everyone I’ve met who struggles with holiday stress gets caught up in a vicious cycle of taking care of everyone else… but themselves. And this happens at times year round too, doesn’t it? If I can hand you one shiny gift this holiday season it’s this: I challenge you to reignite your focus on taking care of yourself. You deserve it. You’ll enjoy it. You’ll be more productive. You’ll be happier. You’ll be less stressed. You’ll be stronger. You’ll serve others better. Some people believe: If they take care of themselves, it’ll take away from others. Quite the contrary… The more you take care of yourself, the more you can take care of others. In fact, researchers Van Yperen, Buunk, and Schaufeli, published a study in the Journal of Applied Psychology on this connection. They found that health care professionals that were more immune to burnout were those who helped others but also sought out help and support when they needed it. It’s like that safety lecture on a plane. In an emergency when those yellow rubber masks flop down from the ceiling, the instructions are: “Please secure your own mask before those around you” Same thing here: If you want to help others, we have to help ourselves. If you want others to be at their best, we have at to be at our best. And there are lots of ways to make that happen. Here’s a jump-start though: What activities energize you? What hobbies or activities allow you to be at your best? What activities really make you happy? What activities used to bring joy to your life? And then get the ball rolling on those again. We’ve all had bad days.
Or at least we think they’re bad until… we hear about REAL BAD DAYS. Dan Sullivan is the founder of Strategic Coach. He’s in charge of one of the most elite programs for entrepreneurs. Early in his career he faced what he describes as the worst day of his life. On this fateful day, his business went bankrupt. AND his wife divorced him! Think about that. One of these would be enough to immobilize someone. Let alone both! How does someone bounce back from that? At first, he did the natural thing and began blaming people and circumstances for why it all happened. But then something interesting happened… He snapped himself out of it. He stopped and made two life-changing decisions:
Can you imagine that? Being able to relieve everyone of responsibility in a situation like that? He did it all so he could get his power back. Someone else who has taken this lesson is Gerry Spence. He is a lawyer who has NEVER lost a single criminal case. He describes a common situation that we’ve all encountered. Have you ever faced some situation or some person and it just seemed so daunting? It’s like our imagination made this thing so much larger or so much more intimidating than it really was. Spence had this happen as he was up all night preparing for a case. He was up against a defense attorney for an insurance company who he made out to be the perfect person. He imagined him as having a perfect life, perfect house, perfect family, and having perfect communication. The truth was he was disempowering himself. He was using his power against himself. He was making this person so big that he wasn’t able to perform at his best. This was massive lesson Spence learned. He states, “If I have endowed the other person with power that the other person does not possess, then I face my own power. My own power has become my opponent, my enemy. I have long since refused to relinquish any of my power to my opponent. I keep my power. I use it to prepare my case, to care about my case, to care for my client”- Gerry Spence This is something I remind myself of and my clients of. It’s about taking charge and using the power that we all have inside and not to give it up. If you have temporarily lost your power, it’s time to get it back. The strength you need – is the strength within. One day I was waltzing around on Facebook
(No I was not looking at funny cat videos) I noticed a client shared a video with me that ended up being VERY profound. In fact, I watched it a couple times to really grasp the message. It was a video from Dr. Abraham Twerski on how lobsters deal with stress. You may be wondering, why do I need to know how lobsters deal with stress? At first, that’s what I thought too. Most people know, lobsters are a soft (and delicious) animal but they live inside a rigid and hard shell. However, the shell does NOT expand. Over time, the lobster grows and begins to feel under pressure… uncomfortable… and limited… in this shell. To deal with this pain it hides underneath rocks, breaks out of its shell, and grows a new one. But you know what happens? This shell also eventually gets too small and uncomfortable so it repeats the process. And it repeats this process over and OVER. The stimulus for the lobster to grow is the discomfort - the pain. Pain is the sign that we are hitting our limits. It’s like doing pushups. At first maybe we can only do a couple but as our strength increases our capacity to do more increases. It is the necessary resistance to grow. Use it to go to the next level. |
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April 2019
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